The exam is overrrr~~~~
I felt that i fared not too badly.
This will be a quick evaluation as I will hear more from Mrs Kamal in the weeks to come.
My lines lost it's humour when i emoted them differently. Especially the quotations. What made my friends roar with laughter caused the audiene to reciprocate silence. I guess sometimes its a choice to make between feelings and dramatic effect. I failed to find a balance between the two and as a result, the play lost its humour.
The music was also not loud enough and the mad negative energy failed to fill the space and the madness scene came about weaker than it should have been. I felt my performance lost it's glaring impact there. Nonetheless, the scene still went smoothly.
It was good, but it could have been much better.
I felt my emotions coming through during the piece. I digested what Mrs Kamal said the last time about letting the feelings take control and i made a conscious effort to feel for my lines (especially since it's devised, it wasnt very difficult) and i felt that the effort pulled through and it boosted my performance quite abit.
The set design worked wonders. There were many comments from people saying that they loved my set and that it contributed greatly to my performance as it denoted the space as a surreal world and gave a clear insight to my character. this was a plus plus point as it showed my set achieved it's effect.
When I ask my audience for the message of my performance, they are able to tell me that it is about "dreams not coming true" or about "dreams being shattered". It shows that the devising and the lines have achieved the desired effect on the audience. When asked about my character, the words "nerd" and "workaholic" surfaced, showing that my character work did help.
Overall, i'm satisfied with my performance! More evaluation next time i guess. :D
The actor froze at 10:52 AM
Today after school, we got ready and did some hair and costuming to get ready for our performance. I had my hair combed backwards to give the nerd looking, surreal effect. My costume was a school uniform.
I was the first to perform and Mrs Kamal gave me my notes after that. I feel Afiqa's performance is the most entertaining and dramatically interesting piece, it captured my attention the most. I must aspire to be like her and fill the space with my energy.
My notes:
1) "What are you looking at?!" The feeling of irritation needs to be magnified and I need to feel the lines more, respond to them and feel the motivation to say them
I wish this wouldnt come, but it did. I will have to work harder and amplify the feeling of irritation i have now.
2) Talk to the audience, dont always stare at the paper.
I was nervous and was referring to my script. I wont have my script there on the actual day to reduce temptation to follow it.
3) You need more attitude towards the quotes
There was some attitude, as Mrs Kamal said, I will amplify it.
4) The post-its are too small and become weak images for the quotes.
I will write the quotes on big pieces of paper and stick them to my set. i can pull them off the set when i need them. That will be a more powerful image.
5)"That's it!" --> use this as a contrast, let a new thought move you and not you move a thought.
I looked overrehearsed that my "that's it" line with a new beat did not seem natural, i will have to make it look more natural and feel my lines instead of remember them.
6) there must be a growing intensity of madness
Noted. Development is important in a performance. i must inculcate this in. possibly with my tone of voice, my volume of voice and my movements.
7) We must see you when you say "STOP!"
I will have to do a good turn on the ladder way before the music ends in order to achieve the effect. My facial expression must also show that i want the madness to stop. this would mean more rehearsing to do.
8) The plate must break
The plate didnt break this time round. I glued too much and thought it too fragile. For my actual performance, whist grabbing the plate in my hand, i will bend it first to losen the glued edges, this will secure it's breaking.
Today i learnt a very important lesson; feelings are extremely important in acting. I need to feel the line and not rehearse it. And let the new feeling drive movement, not just blocking. The feelings will add depth and make the performance look more natural. This would make it more convincing and less rehearsed. a good point learnt!
The actor froze at 10:39 AM
I spent the weekend doing character work for my monologue.
Since mine is a devised piece, the character work came as a breeze.
I modelled the character mostly after myself.
My character is a boy.
He is 15 years old.
His biggest problem is an inferiority complex.
He used to have a fantastic past, balancing both work and play.
He got ditched by a girl who said he was too playful and would never be with him.
From that moment on, he only devoted himself to studying and nothing else.
She shattered his dream of the perfect love.
Hence, to escape from the pain of a shattered dream, he becomes a junkfood loving nerd.
His remains of his childhood are still present in his room, but overcrowded by his books and his potato chip wrappers.
He wishes for better grades so that he can regain his perfect love. then his dreams would come true.
Why he liked that girl? He started off as friends with her, but soon he started becoming closer to her and eventually fell in love with her. His love was amplified by his numerous dreams of them being together. However, with her rejection, she shattered all the beautiful dreams together with his heart, causing him to deform to the state he is in now.
His parents are happy that their child studies. Being both working parents, they have little time for caring about his well being and are unaware of his mental degradation. They only see his results and feel proud to be his parents. They are oblivious to his plight.
His friends began to distance themselves from him when they realized he was becoming nerd-ier. His emphasis on his studies also causes him to distance himself from his friends. his friends see him as an embarrassment and shun him.
Physically, my character is of average built but normally slouches due to his lack of self esteem. He is not ugly but definitely not good looking. He wishes for better looks to charm the girl of his dreams.
From this session i did by myself, i manage to explore the past mentality and the present context of my character and enable myself to live the soul and mindset of the character. definitely this will help me for my performance.
The actor froze at 10:24 AM
I am now 5 days away from my performance. Nervous, you bet!
I still have a huge problem feeling what my character should feel in the performance
And that affects my overall acting. So I decided to dedicate a sunday to get my feelings, sorted out.
Firstly, the feeling of annoyance. I engaged the help of my brother to come and disturb me (ironic!) while i'm doing work on my computer. He came with food temptations and loud noises but none of those made me irritated with him. Howver, the feeling of him looking at what i'm typing (an english essay) on the screen felt very awkward and uncomfortable. Somehow, he picked up the hint and continued staring. Being self conscious, i shifted my body and tried to close the window with the word document. But after awhile, i got annoyed with his breathing beside my ear and finally managed to remember that feeling - emotional memory.
Secondly, the feeling of guilt. I didnt need to plan any of this. It came naturally. I forgot to let out the clothes to dry and my mother scolded me. I argued back and it eventually became rather nasty at dinner. That feeling of immense guilt and discomfort was something i reflected and realized i could use for my performance. I immediately made a mental note to include it here!
lastly was the feeling of madness. This one i needed nobody's help. I played the music of Liberali Fatali over and over for half an hour with many newspapers on the floor. I literally went mad because of the oppressive atmosphere set by the music and i managed to recall that feeling. My muscles tensed up and my mind started to whirl. It felt immensely uncomfortable and i just wanted it to stop, but i forced myself to go on and to find motivation to tear the newspapers and throw them around. Honestly, i was having lots of fun going mad in my room.
Today's session was productive as i used the stanislavski method of muscular and emotional memory. I learnt how to draw parallels to the context in my play and managed to get the emotions i wanted.
The actor froze at 10:10 AM
I made a few decisions to my performance after much consideration. Below are my thought processes and decisions.
Firstly, I have chosen the song Liberali Fatali as my soundtrack for my character's insanity.
the song is sang in latin and by sopranos. The beginning of the song feels like something is speaking meekly, developing into someone screaming. The song then builds up to a fast paced momentum and strong and hard beats denote changes in the verses. The pace and the intensity of the music builds up to a climax and suddenly falls... only to rise again more rapidly and faster.
I choose this song because in the beginning, the works said meekly progressing to screaming show the words of the essay coming out stronger and stronger to haunt my character. Then the buildup of music can denote his insanity getting stronger and more intense, the beats can show his wrecking things in his room, a strong and striking visual and audio presentation. His madness can be building higher and higher until the climax of the song, where he can fall to the ground. During the slow interval, he can slowly tilt his head towards the ladder and notice the plate. The stronger, more rapid beats can show and amplify his movement up the ladder towards the plate. the entire song can stop with a line cue saying STOP, showing that he's had enough of his insanity. Thus, the song works very well with what i want to show on stage and helps me to choreograph my movement.
Secondly, I have decided to do away with the dumbbell and change my character to a junk food addict. firstly, in our last meeting, Mrs Kamal talked about how people did eat junk food when they are stressed and how other people worked out immensely. she told me to try both out and maybe combine the two to form one new kind of action a person does in immense stress. I've gone through the thought processes for both kinds of behaviors and realized that it is quite difficult to combine the two as they are entirely contradicting; one to gain weight and one to lose weight. And also, based on emotional memory, i can relate to the junk food binging behavior more than the crazily working out one. Hence it would be easier for me to get into role if my character is solely a junk food lover, more than a workaholic.
Lastly, I decided that I should in a sense "destroy" my front set. I would, in my insanity, throw newspapers down from the cubes and throw my papers and pens all over the floor, overturning the tables as the intensity of the madness increases. this will be symbolic of his dislike for the current time (in the previous post i mentioned about the stage being divided to show his past and present). the back set will not be destroyed but the front set will be, showing how much he misses his perfect past but hates his life after his dreams were destroyed. Moreover, in the messy front stage, the plate will be smashed. This will allow padding naturally and serves a symbolic purpose as well. The last item to add to the mess is the plate. The plate is a symbolic representation of the character and shows that living on top and amongst all the messed up and ruined life is the character himself. This adds another layer of meaning to the drama and makes it aesthatically pleasing as well.
These are currently the decisions i've made. definitely i made more decisions subconsciously. Will note them down when i find the time.
The actor froze at 9:46 AM
Presenting.... My research on the authors of the quotes i use!
1) Carl Sandburg:
Nothing happens unless first we dream.
Nothing happens unless first we dream.
Carl Sandburg in 1955Carl August Sandburg (January 6, 1878 – July 22, 1967) was an American film critic, poet, historian, novelist, balladeer, and folklorist.
I will pose like Sandburg in the picture when i say his quote
2) John Lennon:
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one, I hope someday you will join us, and the world will live as one
John Ono Lennon, MBE (born John Winston Lennon; 9 October 1940 – 8 December 1980) was an English rock musician, singer, songwriter, artist, and peace activist who gained worldwide fame as one of the founding members of The Beatles. As a member of the group, Lennon was one of the lead vocalists and co-wrote the majority of the band's songs with bassist Paul McCartney.In his solo career, Lennon wrote and recorded songs such as "Give Peace a Chance".
I will use sunglasses and pose as with the picture to denote John Lennon when i read his quote
3)Victor Hugo:
There is nothing like a dream to create the future.
Victor-Marie Hugo (February 26, 1802 – May 22, 1885) was a French poet, playwright, novelist, essayist, visual artist, statesman, human rights activist and perhaps the most influential exponent of the Romantic movement in France.
In France, Hugo's literary reputation rests primarily on his poetic and dramatic output and only secondarily on his novels. Among many volumes of poetry, Les Contemplations and La Légende des siècles stand particularly high in critical esteem, and Hugo is sometimes identified as the greatest French poet. Outside France, his best-known works are the novels Les Misérables and Notre-Dame de Paris (sometimes translated into English as The Hunchback of Notre-Dame).
In France, Hugo's literary reputation rests primarily on his poetic and dramatic output and only secondarily on his novels. Among many volumes of poetry, Les Contemplations and La Légende des siècles stand particularly high in critical esteem, and Hugo is sometimes identified as the greatest French poet. Outside France, his best-known works are the novels Les Misérables and Notre-Dame de Paris (sometimes translated into English as The Hunchback of Notre-Dame).
I will use a french accent when reading Victor Hugo's quotes to denote his character
4) Steven Spielburg:
I don't dream at night, I dream all day; I dream for a living.
highest grossing filmmaker of all time; his films having made nearly $8 billion internationally.[citations needed] Forbes magazine places Spielberg's net worth at $3 billion.[2] In 2006, the magazine Premiere listed him as the most powerful and influential figure in the motion picture industry. Time listed him as one of the 100 Greatest People of the Century. At the end of the twentieth century, Life named him the most influential person of his generation.[3]
In a career that spans almost four decades, Spielberg's films have touched many themes and genres. During the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, four of his films, Jaws, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Jurassic Park became the highest grossing films for their time. During his early years as a director, his sci-fi and adventure films were often seen as the archetype of modern Hollywood blockbuster filmmaking. In later years, his movies began addressing such historical issues as the Holocaust, slavery, war, and terrorism.
In a career that spans almost four decades, Spielberg's films have touched many themes and genres. During the 1970s, 1980s, and 1990s, four of his films, Jaws, E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial, Raiders of the Lost Ark and Jurassic Park became the highest grossing films for their time. During his early years as a director, his sci-fi and adventure films were often seen as the archetype of modern Hollywood blockbuster filmmaking. In later years, his movies began addressing such historical issues as the Holocaust, slavery, war, and terrorism.
I am using the poster of the movie JAWS to denote the presence of Spielburg in my play.
The actor froze at 9:01 AM
Hello! I was just thinking, you know, like pre-exam nerves.
And i thought of what was going to be on stage. And i realized that each object had a symbolism behind it. I have about 5 other posts not up but i feel like posting this one here first. (It's pure sloth to type in microsoft word that's why. other times i dont have internet when i want to post my posts)
The items on stage and the symbols!
1) Newspapers - Reality (shows reluctance to indulge in reality when they are torn)
2) Potatochips - escapism (Shows running from pressure of doing work)
3) Homework - obsession (My character is surviving on doing homework to get away from his shattered dreams)
4) Ladder - Symbolic of the pains and obstacles my character went through, only to get his dreams shattered.
5) Smashed plate glued together - symbolic of the broken dreams that my character has, seemingly put together to form one whole dream again.
6) trophies and certificates - achievements of my character in the past.
7) Books - symbolic of the people he tries to go to for answers but give him none.
the positions of my set are also symbolic.
Most of my set is at the back, with pictures of movies, playstation and a rugby ball. The stage is artistically divided into the front and the back, showing the transition in time. When my character was young, he used to love all these things, now they are cast to the back of his room while he only focuses on books and newspapers in the front of the stage.
The tall sets with piles of books everywhere are symbolic of the oppressive atmosphere the character lives in - the oppression caused by his dreams which never come true.
Hence, with this journal entry i've realized that i have many sybols on stage, my only hope is that the audience can see it in such a short time...
ciao
The actor froze at 8:49 AM